Be Quiet

I was walking, carrying something, and a lady was standing in the way- in the middle of the only place to walk- in a public place- so I walked slowly toward her, holding my stuff off to the side, and turned sideways to fit my bundle past her without bumping her; without saying anything, and did a little quick-step shuffle to move past her.  My thinking was that I had a couple choices, and not calling attention to her being in the way was the best one.  But apparently she didn't feel the same way.  She yelled out: "Use your words!  It's not hard.  Just say 'Excuse me!' "

Being one to consider options, I had of course already thought maybe I should say "Excuse me" but had discounted it as it would call attention to her inability to recognize that she was standing in the way.  I thought in that situation that saying something would be more rude than not.  My "excuse me" would have come out sounding more like "Hello, you're in the way," even though I wasn't going to say those words.  Why point out to her that I think I'm right and I think she's wrong?  I had also considered saying hello, or just standing there and waiting, but I guess I opted for the "live and let live" idea that if she wants to stand in the way, who am I to comment?  I'm there to walk by, and so I did.

There are situations in which it's better to be quiet, but I don't think this was one of them.  She wanted me to say "excuse me" and if had known that, I should have.  But I didn't know.  I love when Mrs. Rabbit reminds Thumper of Mr. Rabbit's admonition.  He has to think a bit before he can come up with it.  There are a lot of versions of this idea, but I say "If you can't say something nice; well, why are you talking?"

When I see someone I know, I want to see a nod or hear a word of recognition.  But I really don't want to talk to strangers most of the time and it feels intrusive at some times.  This reminds me of walking into a store and being asked if I need any help.  I feel someone should be there if I want help, but just stand there unless spoken to, okay?

I guess for me it comes down to eye contact.

There are people all around and we're going about our business.  But if we make eye contact, then both should say a quick acknowledgement or nod their head.  I didn't want to talk to that lady, and we hadn't made eye contact, so I felt that silence was the best option.

I wonder what her rules are?  Obviously she felt in that situation that I should have said "excuse me," but did she think she should speak to someone who doesn't follow her rules of engagement, and tell them what they ought to have done, or did her words just slip out?


Not everyone is weighing their options before doing anything.  Some people actually get some things done.  I used to get a lot done.  Now, I think.

I remember other silences when being too overwhelmed to speak- when I see somebody I know unexpectedly, or find myself in a group when I don't want to be, or when somebody takes my breath away. But when should one choose silence?

I think that when a child cries it's best to be quiet at first.  Rushing over to them and asking them if they're sure they don't need an ambulance makes them feel alarmed and keeps them crying.  If they are not aware of an audience, they'll just get up and move on, unfazed by momentary discomfort.  For some reasons parents have become confused and think their job is to keep the child from being uncomfortable instead of teaching them how to deal with it.  These are the same people that know practice improves performance and that the only way to strengthen a muscle is to use it.

The first cough or sneeze also should elicit silence.  If it continues, you want to make sure the person is alright.  But why call attention to something that wasn't meant for your acknowledgment?