Food Battle

It was suggested to me by a bright young lady today that going to the dining room might result in better food choices than staying in the bed waiting for magical glorious food to arrive and then complaining about it.  After all, food can be found in the dining room and why leave it up to someone to deliver what you obviously will dislike regardless of its quality, amount, color, taste, texture, arrangement, ingredients or style.  You can go to the dining room and talk to the people who bring the food and choose better there..

This makes too much sense to actually be of any use.

If you're two years old, you want to complain and you want control.  You want to complain because that is the only control you think you have.

So, of course you didn't even pick out the pinkish cherry bits from the fruit cocktail.  They weren't red enough to consider putting in your mouth.  Of course they weren't.  But then again, if they had happened to be too red that would have been a problem too; wouldn't it now?  Two fork stabs into the cup and you were done.  Now I know fruit cocktail is no one's favorite.  But it's not anyone's least favorite either.  It's probably a few people's fifth choice.  But no one hates it.

You said your lunch was inedible.  But two stabs at the fruit cocktail was the best you could do.

Okay, there was apple juice.  Even on a bad day, anyone can drink that.  Even on a bad day, when you're hungry- nearly every person would just drink whatever drink was brought to them.  Oh no, though, this wasn't cranberry juice.  I didn't think of it then, but you previously complained you had too much of that.  Could that be why they brought you something different?  Can we start with the premise that maybe somebody listened to your complaining ass for once, instead of blaming it on chance or an oversight?  Can we start once with the premise that every once in awhile something does right, even if it is a matter of chance?  Can we entertain the possibility that maybe there might be something you already like that could be seen as something other than mundane, boring or same old, or that there might just be one thing in the whole world that you don't currently like that perhaps you might try to see if you might like it?

Too much to ask.

You ate one eighth of the salad.  Then you ate a little more.  You tried really hard to get me to eat the avocado.  Why?  Would it hurt you too much to stab it with your fork three times instead of two?  I think you ate one hard boiled egg quarter, a little bacon and a little turkey.  Alas, there was no parade granted you so you might as well stop there.

You didn't say the soup was terrible.  You didn't say it was bad.  So it must have been the best soup ever to exist in the history of soup.

You said you had unidentifiable mush for lunch.  Since you mentioned it on the phone and three times in person to me and to the nurse and to two other people, I decided maybe I would try to figure out what you were talking about.  Was it noodles?  Oh no.  Was it oatmeal.  Certainly not.  Was it grits or cream of wheat?  No it was mush.  Well, what is mush?  I don't know what that is.  Potato?  Crushed up something.  That's why it was suggested we go to the dining room and see what was available.  That's why I brought you food.  But you don't want food from outside.  And you don't want to fix the food inside.  You want to complain and you are doing a great job.  Did you try the alternates that are always available.  Of course not; that would make sense.  Did you ask for extra milk or extra portions of something you like?  Are you kidding me?  That would be unthinkable.  You left eighty percent of the apple juice in the cup but wouldn't leave a drop in the bottle if you had bought it.  If you had bought any of it; you would have eaten every bite; wrapped up in a napkin and frozen twice maybe, but every stinking bite.

I understand.  When I was two I didn't want to eat.  You would spoon bites to me bribing me with every person or character you could think of.  "One bite for Aunt Suzie" you would say.  When you ran out of people you'd start in with Winne the Pooh characters.  I'd take a bite for owl.  I'd take a bite for Roo.  Of course you're like this now.  You've been two years old for about twenty years.  I can tell because so have I.