Those weeks, months your mother spent most of each day lying down. Terrified of a miscarriage and terrified that she might die. Praying for the baby to be born healthy and praying for her own life and in this way Lula Kerrigan lost her good looks (she'd taken for granted) but also became permanently frightened and anxious, superstitious. Looking for "signs" - that God was trying to tell her something special about herself and the baby growing in her womb.
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Even when your mother must know that Daddy won't be eating with supper she has prepared for him there is a meal in the oven which, next day, midday when no one is around, mom will devour alone in the kitchen rarely troubling to heat it in the microwave. ( you have seen her with a fork but with a fork picking, picking, picking at the cold coagulated meat, mashed potatoes. You have seen your mother eating without appetite, Swifty picking at tasteless food.)
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